Sometimes holding on is harder than people think. Holding onto your sanity and your life sometimes seems like it's almost impossible. At least that's how it seems for me. I know I have family and friends that love me and care, but sometimes I feel like the world would be a much better place if I wasn't in it. I think about all the mistakes I've made and all the things I've done and think, "I'm just fucking done". I don't wanna feel this way but I can't seem to get the thought out of my head sometimes...like tonight. I don't know why, but I just want to end it all. I don't see what the point is in sticking around anymore. I'm laying here trying to think if there is one person at all that would shed a tear if I were gone or even miss me. How many of my friends are just friends with me because I make them laugh and would move on to someone new the minute I wasn't around anymore? Perhaps tonight is the night. Maybe this is the night that I can't hold on anymore, that I can't seem to fight hard enough to overcome the overwhelming depression that I am sinking into. Tonight I feel like there is just not enough reasons in the world to keep on living. None of my friends or family understand that depression hurts. It hurts deep down in your soul and there are times, like tonight, that I just want the pain to stop. I just want to sleep and NEVER wake up. Just a few extra pills and all the hurt and pain that I feel would be over. Maybe then I'd be at peace. Whatever I decide to do tonight, I want those that ACTUALLY care about me to know that I love them very much. My friends and family mean the world to me...I just don't know if I can fight anymore.
